31 days of Self-care

Holidays are a hard time to stay on top of self-care with all the festivities going on, but as I'm finishing up the 1st semester of the bachelor completion program at Pacific University, I feel like I've been run through a food processor and then tossed out to the pigs for a snack. My body, mind, and spirit are craving some much-needed TLC. Most people wait until after the holidays to take care of themselves, well, I can't afford that as in January I will be starting the 2nd semester of school.

Therefore, I am dedicating the month of December to self-care. Follow me on Facebook and Instagram as I post each day, starting today, on self-care tips and pictures. #31daysofselfcare

Happy Holidays and don't forget to give yourself a little love too.

xoxo,

Melania

Sleep or Die

I hear people making jokes about sleep all time on mom blogs, mom groups, fellow co-workers, classmates, family, friends, and Mr. Joe Bob walking down the street.

"Sleep? what's that?"

"You're a mom, you don't get to sleep."

"Say bye-bye to sleep for the next 18 years."

"I'm a student. I don't get to sleep."

"I'll sleep when I die."

And the list goes on. I used to say these things until about a month ago when my classmates and I were Google chatting and stressing about several big assignments dues in that week. Some of them were staying up all Saturday night to finish the final paper. One classmate made the comment "Sleep is for the weak."

For some reason those 5 words did not sit well with me. Not because she said it or that they were directed at me, heaven knows, I've said them before too. But something about this time irked me. Especially since I chose to sleep that night instead of staying up to write a paper that felt like pulling teeth with a pair of dull scissors. Was I weak for not pushing through to get this assignment done?

After a few weeks of thinking about why the comment bothered me, I realized that staying up to write a paper didn't prove anything. It didn't make me strong. It wouldn't have made the paper better than what I turned in at the last minute. Choosing sleep over work, school, extracurricular activities, or anything else, did not make me weak.

I cannot tell how many times people have said "Must be nice" when I mentioned I took a nap. For some reason in our culture, sleep is viewed like a luxury. Sleep isn't a luxury nor should it be. Sleep is vital to the human body like food, water, air, and movement. If you don't get enough sleep your health will decline.

For me when I don't get enough sleep, my stress level shoots through the roof and my mental state spirals downward into the pits of despair. I have to sleep. Sure, sleeping in these days is a luxury and so is taking a 3 hour nap in the middle of the day, but getting a decent 7-8 hours a night is as important to me as making sure I pee everyday or drink water. If I don't make get my sleep at night, I make sure I either nap during the day or go to bed early the following night.

Here's why sleep is so important to me:

• decreased productivity
• increased depression
• decreased immunity (I don't have time to get sick)
• increased bad attitude
• decreased memory retention (something I can't afford to have happen while in school)
• increased mistakes at work and school
• bad habits resurge
• when mom's not happy, nobody is happy

You see, housework, schoolwork, TV shows, books, writing, and everything else can wait. They will always be there, but sleep won't. Once you lose the hours, you can't get them back. The more you chip away at your sleep the more your body will pay for it later. So many of our diseases today are related to stress and lack of sleep, including Alzheimer's Disease. Your body needs to recover and it won't if you don't giving it enough time to do it's job.

Now, there are times when sleep isn't an option. I know all about those teething babies or sick toddlers that only want to be rocked all night. But guess what, eventually they do go to sleep and you should try to catch as many zzz's with them as possible. Nap when you can. So many moms I know, claim they can't nap so they don't even try, yet they complain about not getting enough rest. If you have the opportunity to lay down and close your eyes for even 15 minutes, do it or you are wasting a chance to let your body take a break.

I'm a full-time working, full-time student, writing mom and I still can find 15 minutes to close my eyes. Sometimes I do fall asleep, but mostly I fall into a deep relaxation that comes pretty close to sleep. When I get up, I feel so much better. Those little "naps" help me get through the crazy stress of being a student and working mama. And I make sure I'm in bed by 9:30 during the week so I can get at least 6.5 hours of sleep before I get up at 4:30 am to start work.

I have to say my grades could be better and but 10 years from now when I'm suffering from a heart attack or diabetes because I didn't let my body do it's thing my grades won't mean shit. It's sleep or die for me.

Photo credit: Albumarium.com

Learning to Unplug

A few weeks ago, I decided on a whim to take my daughter for a hike early Saturday morning. When we got down to the car and I had her all buckled into the car seat, I realized I'd left my phone upstairs in our 3rd floor condo. In that moment, I knew that if I unbuckled her and we went back up, we'd never make it out the door again, and decided to go without it. As I merged onto the freeway, the tendrils of panic began to tighten around my chest.

What if we broke down? What if got lost on the trail? What if my husband wakes up and doesn't know where we are at? What if, what if, WHAT IF the world ended right in the next hour.....

I told myself we'd go to Multnomah Falls because enough people were there if something were to happen, we could get help. As soon as we crossed over the Sandy river bridge, I pulled off the highway following the signs to Lewis and Clark State Park, a place I'd never been before, AKA not Multnomah Falls. I'd driven pass this park before and wondered where the trail went. Somehow that morning, I thought would be a good time to explore a new trail with a toddler without my PHONE!

There were a couple other cars parked in the lot so I knew we wouldn't be totally alone on the trail. After getting over my fears, we set off with water and snacks in my bag. Oh, what a beautiful morning it turned out to be. Hints of fall colors sprinkled the foliage around us as we climbed up the hill. We spotted birds, chipmunks, and squirrels. Boo loved all the different bugs we came across, including the spider, who's web I almost walked into.

As we climbed higher the trial became more rocky and narrow. We had to climb over boulders more and more until we reached half way up and I discovered why the path had become so rough. Shear cliff surfaces met us as trail leveled off. Boo instantly spotted metal loops in the rock above us. Soon we heard voices as we walked along and discovered a couple of young guys climbing with ropes. Boo's eyes lit up at the sight. "What are they doing, mama?" She asked.

I explained that they were rock-climbing and used ropes and other equipment to stay safe. You can guess what she wanted to do next, but I told her she needed to take lessons at the rock-climbing gym first before I could let her climb here. We eventually turned around and went back the way we came. In all we spent 1.5 hours out in nature hiking. We had so much fun and I kind of dreaded returning back home to technology. That part surprised me.

15 years ago, I didn't have a cell phone or a personal computer. There was no Facebook or Twitter. At my job, I used a computer to schedule appointments and register patients, but we still wrote chart notes by hand. I checked my email 2-3 times a week at the library.

Now, I work 40/week in front of a computer as all the work I do is electronic. On top of that, I spend about 16 hours/week working on my BS degree program which is purely online. Add to that 5-8 hours of writing, marketing, and personal finance use per week and I'm spending up to 62 hours in front of a computer screen if not more. This is not even including my smart phone time and social media. When did my life turn into a scene from a sci-fi flick?

I'd tried to limit my screen time as much as possible before bed-time but now with school, I've let my rules slack a bit. But this little hiking trip really nailed it for me. I NEED to unplug or I will loose my mind. That night I made 3 commitments: 1) to put my phone on airplane mode after 9 pm until I got up to work at 4 am, 2) turn my phone off when I'm out hiking or in nature, and 3) when I'm with friends the phone goes in the purse on silent.

Had my brought my phone with me that morning, I guarantee you anyone within a mile radius would have heard me shrieking as I tried to get the spider off my head because I was too busy taking an Instagram shot and not paying attention the web across the path.

Photo Credit: Jordan McQueen www.unsplash.com

Nature

I recently did a blog post for Portland Moms Blog on Filling the Mama Well and how it's not just one well, but three: mind, body, and spirit. For me nature fills all my wells and an important factor in self-care.

What do I mean when I say Nature?

According to the Webster's Dictionary the definition of nature is "the physical world and everything in it (such as plants, animals, mountains, oceans, stars, etc.) that is not made by people." That means going outside on my balcony and sitting in the sun, listening to the birds in the near by trees, and feeling the wind on my face is part of nature.

Now to be honest, I much rather go for a long walk on an empty beach and stand in the surf, breathing in the revitalizing ocean air or hike to the the many gorgeous waterfalls in the Columbia River Gorge and smell the rich, earthy forest scents, but when that isn't possible I can make time for nature right here in my home.

Spending time in nature is a key element to filling the mind, body, and spirit well, but also provide healing from the harsh energies that surround modern life.

So how does nature fill the wells?

Mind. There are many studies out there that show the benefits of nature. For example one study done at Stanford showed a decrease in anxiety and improvement in cognition. These are just two of the many ways fills the mind well. For me a hike in the woods, calms my mind, gives me clarity in decision-making, and the endorphin boost from the physical movement give me the feeling of well-being.

Body. Humans are made to move, when we don't things don't go so well. Exercising outside only adds to the abundance positives from nature. First of all when you are out in the park all of your senses are being exposed to nature. The fresh air helps with detoxifying your body when you exercise. A simple walk through the local park not only fills the mind well, but your body's well too.

Spirit. Nature is one of the best ways to feed the soul. Nature inspires creativity, nature sounds heal, and nature smells uplift. Take a moment and go outside. Take off your shoes and let your feet touch the earth. Focus on cool feeling of the dirt or grass touching your soles. What do your feel? Do you feel pulled down deeper as if growing roots into the earth? To your toes tingle? Follow whatever you are feeling for a few minutes and then come back to your body. How do you feel now? Chances are you are feeling pretty grounded. This is my go -to exercise when I feel like the world is pulling me in every direction.

Here are some other nature tips that have helped me:

• Walking around the playground at the park while my daughter plays
• Standing in the grass bare-foot for 5-10 minutes
• Sitting on a rock near a river or stream and sticking my feet in the water
• Watering the flowers and plants on my balcony
• Weeding the planters and pruning the dead flowers 
• Taking a 15-20 minute jog through a nature park
• Drinking my morning tea or a glass of water outside on my balcony
• Watching the sunset or sunrise
• Doing 15-20 minute yoga stretches outside in the park or on my balcony
• Dedicating a weekly hour to a specific "hobby" in nature like hiking, kayaking, biking, skiing, paddle-boarding, snorkeling, or whatever is appropriate for the season you are in and location you live in.

 OK, now it's your turn. Please share your nature tips below in the comments.

Last days of Summer

Hi ya'll!

Welcome back to Urban Goddess Revealed. So many things have changed in my personal and professional goals over the summer. From the beginning, my goal for this blog was to empower women, moms in particular, but really all females in general. The world is a hard place and though woman have come a long way, there is still so much more work to do in regards to equality, balance, and creating.

The world we are living in today is not the same as our mother's or grandmother's. Roles are constantly changing for both men and women. Society demands keep growing. The modern mother should be able to keep a home, raise her children, succeed in her career, and be the gracious doting wife, mother, and supportive member of the community. I say bull shit. Living to those kind of expectations is ridiculous. I tried once (twice, okay many times) and crashed hard. It's just not sustainable. Yes, we women are powerful, strong, and amazing creatures, but we still have our limits. Those limits change from day to day and we need to be aware of them. And like Elizabeth Gilbert said in one of her interviews, women today don't have roll models to look up to as did our mothers and grandmothers, so we keep peeking into each other's lives to see what is working and not. That's why I started this blog, so you could have a peek into my life and see if there is something I'm doing that might help you in yours. Heavens know, I'm not saint or have it all figured out. Far from it. We are all treading new ground. We are in this story together.

This summer as I took time off for my family and myself, I learned many things about myself.

• I'm a people-pleaser. Half of my problems stem from this. Life is too short to waste time on people who don't want to rise above their situation and live a better life. Going through a heart-breaking situation this summer has lead me to care less about what people's opinions of me are. I do my best to be kind to everyone around me, if that's not enough for you, well too bad.
• I crave financial freedom. Last winter I discovered Kate Northrup's Money: a Love Story and it has changed my life. While on our 10 year anniversary vacation at the beach, sitting on the porch, looking out over the ocean, with a glass of wine in my hand, I realized that I wanted more of this. In order to have more of this, I needed to make a few sacrifices in the next couple of years to get myself in a position to have what I desire. Being able to enjoy more time with my family in my favorite setting requires financial freedom. The first step for me, enroll in school to finish my bachelor's degree, which I did while on vacation. Second, start a business that will grow bringing in residual income. I've already started this step as I am now a published author of 2 books with more on the way.
• I need to take better care of myself. Two years ago when I started my battle with postpartum depression, I learned the importance of self-care which lead me to starting this blog. I walked my talk until about 8 months ago when I fell off the bandwagon flat on my face in the mud pit. This summer dealing with family issues, job stress, and yet another bout of depression really put things in perspective again. And since I started the bachelor's completion program last week, self-care has now become a very strong component if I'm going to succeed in my higher education endeavors.
• I want to add value to this world. Therefore in the next few months to a year, I will focus this blog on self-care, because this is a valuable topic all woman, and men too, can use more of. In this day and age of technology and the constant rush to get somewhere, it's easy to forget to take care of the mind, body, and spirit. When we take care of ourselves, we can bring more value in the world around us.

 So with all that, starting September 1, I will be posting once a month on the first of the month on a topic related to self-care. With full-time school and work on top of writing, this is all I can do right now. I love to write, but I want to make sure that what I'm putting out there is valuable to you, therefore I'm limiting my blogging to one a month. Quality instead of quantity.

I don't know about you, I'm super excited about arrival of fall. This summer has been very stressful and hot and now I'm ready for some cold weather, rain, cider, pumpkin lattes, and crisp mornings. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoyed summer. How could I not?  My summer was full of concerts, beach trips, and family time. Yes, this summer was good, stressful, but really good.

But that doesn't take away from the fact I'm ready for my favorite season of the year- Fall.

Hello Summer!

Hello Urban Goddesses & Gods,

The last couple of months have been a whirlwind of activity and personal life drama (that part not so fun). The craziness threatened to take over super-alien invasion-like and then June rolled around and I inhaled the freshness of summer.

To summarize the madness, here are a few highlights and see pictures at the end of the post:

• Health issues
• Loss of a friend battling depression
• Another bought of depression of my own
• Urban Goddess Mama-to-Be releases!! Yay! Click here for more info.
• Starting of a new book. Another yay with a splash of "oh crap, are they going to like this one?"
• Friend's wedding 
• Birthdays (Hubby's 40th and mine and no I'm not going to tell you how old I am)
• Day job stress learning a new database system
• New laptop (birthday gift from Hubby! BEST. MAN. EVER.)
• Birth Without Fear Portland Meet-up
• AND Portland Moms Blog

Phew! And that's not all, but I'm not going to bore you any longer. As June is about to wrap up, I will be taking the summer off from blogging, except for Portland Moms Blog.

Summer is a time to celebrate family , nature, and the gift of life. This summer I'm going to focus on that. We're taking a family vacation to the beach to celebrate our 10 year anniversary, Boo Creature and I will also be taking a couple of trips to visit out-of-state family, and there will be lots of concerts, music festivals, camping, and outdoor activities throughout.

I'm absolutely excited about taking a summer off to enjoy family time. I won't totally be off because I still have my day job, but I'm also taking a little time off from that too.

So enjoy your summer, my divine friends! I'll be back early September and with some really exciting news to share with you (it's still in the works and I can't talk about it yet.)

I leave you with a few pictures, as promised.

Much love,
Melania

Boo Creature all dressed up for the wedding.

Book Baby #2 is out!!!!

Birth Without Fear Meet-Up! January Harshe is the ultimate mama goddess.

This was my first real book-signing event. I met some amazing women who really inspired me. For more pictures of the event you can click here.










Finally this is how I spent my Birthday. Massage, pedicure, and new haircut. If you can't practice self-care on your birthday, then when can you?

Dear Daughter

Dear Daughter,

Every day I spend with you, I'm completely blown away by your grown. Each day I will you transform from a toddler into an independent child complete with strong opinions and curious ideas. You're imagination is unbelievable.

Last night as you fell asleep and rolled over to press your little soft cheek to mine and hold my other cheek with your little hand, I thought I had died and gone to heaven. I could have stayed like that forever and been happy as can be. I love our snuggle time so much. It teaches me to slow down and to be present. 

Some days I see myself in you clear and true, others your father's personality comes through, but most days I look at you and I see just you, a sweet, energetic, curious girl who's in love with life and her pink bear.

I love watching you play. You are so funny and the little jokes you tell yourself are hysterical. I wish I could capture these moments as save them forever. Pictures and videos help just don't quite cut it.

I hope you see how much I love you and know I'll always be there to snuggle with you at night or hold you when you're having a bad day. You are my sweet child and I am so honored when you call me mama. Thank you for choosing me to me your mama. I'm certainly not perfect and I've made plenty of mistakes. We're on this journey together. Thank you for your patience.

Can't wait to see what's next, but right this second, I'm really enjoying this moment we have together and will treasure it forever.

Love you to the end of the universe and back,

Mama