1 year of Motherhood

*I meant to post this on Monday, but I've had a sick little girl on my hands all weekend & week. Better late then never, right?*

Last week we celebrated my daughter's 1st Birthday. I'm still in shock that we have a one year old toddling around our home, but as I look back over the last year and remember all the craziness I realize so much has changed. I definitely am no longer the person I was a year ago and I'm okay with it. In fact I kinda like this "new" me. Here's five major things that are different:

1. My priorities. Duh! Every mother can tell you that, but it's not just now I have a kid and everything I do effects her. No, it's far deeper than that. For example sleep is my number one priority. If I don't get enough rest, everything starts to fall apart. So when my girl keeps me up all night and I'm tired the next morning, I'll work only half day at day job and make sure I nap with her in the afternoon. My bedtime is an hour after my girl goes to sleep. Non-negotiable. Her bedtime is 7 so that means I'm in bed by 8, unless I don't have to work the next day. Which means the latest I'll go to bed is 9. Sleep played a huge roll in overcoming postpartum depression and I never want to go there again. If I'm going to be the mother I need to be for my girl I'm in bed by 8 end of story.

2. Eating healthy. I've always been somewhat of a healthy eater, but ever since my girl started eating big people food, I noticed I actually indulge in junk food more often than I originally thought. She sees me putting something in my mouth, she immediately wants to eat it too. I would never dream of feeding my child junk so am I eating it? Over the last couple of months I've done an overhaul in the kitchen. All the produce is organic, I cook more things from scratch because then I know what's actually in the food I'm giving my girl, and I make sure that I have plenty of healthy snacks on hand. End result is that I feel so much better. I don't feel deprived or crave unhealthy stuff except for the occasional pizza and there ain't nothing wrong with that. *wink*

3. Active. I'm in far better shape now than I was before I got pregnant. I've been going to the gym weekly or biweekly, skiing with hubby once a week, doing 20-30 minutes of yoga 2-3 times a week, and going for a good 45 minute walk 1 or 2 times a week. All because I have a little girl who is active and I need to keep up. My yoga time involves her too, unless I'm taking a class at the gym. We do downward-facing dog together and her giggles make those minutes so much fun. We also like to put on Enigma or Lindsey Stirling on Pandora and dance.

4. Being Present. There's nothing in the world that will get you to live in the moment than a child. My girl has been an awesome teacher to say the least and I can't thank her enough. By being present I've discovered the beauty of awareness and that lovely space in time when I pause to think about what I'm going to do or say next. My stress level has dropped too because I'm taking time to play drums or read a book with my girl instead of thinking about what I'm going to cook for super or what I'm going to do tomorrow at work. This leads me to my final point:

5. Deeper spiritual connection. I'm not just talking about connection to God or higher self, although both are super important, I'm also referring to the world around me and to people I surround myself with. Everyone is on their own spiritual path and they are doing the best they can. Every mother I come in contact with is giving her all and what I may see doesn't necessarily mean she's not doing things right because there really isn't a right or wrong way. There is only what is right for that person or for me in this moment. That's all that matters. What worked yesterday might not work today or what works for me may not work for you and it's perfectly okay. We're all in this together.

I'm so thankful for my darling princess. She has changed my world and made it so much better. I love you, baby girl.

 Tune in next week for Chapter 2 of The Art of Extreme Self-care read-a-long"postpartum style!"

A Mother's Love

Last Friday, hubby and I got a blessed day together and went skiing since the snow gods had been dumping generous amounts of the white stuff on Mt. Hood. After a couple of hours of hitting the slopes, this mama got hungry so we stopped in the lodge for a couple drinks and a mountain of award-worthy nachos. I completely enjoyed our conversation and watching the snow clouds roll over the mountain.

Before we headed back out, I had to stop and fix my boots in the main lodge area. I noticed a mother sitting with her very young girl at the end of the long bench I'd plopped my butt on. My first thought was, "Aw, isn't that sweet. Mother and daughter hanging out at the mountain. I hope this will be me and my girl in a few years."

As I adjusted the straps and buckles on my boots, I heard a grunt. I glanced over to them again and looked away quickly because I didn't want the mom to think I was staring. This time I noticed the girl had a disability of some sort, most likely Down's Syndrome.

My heart melted. Normally when I see disabled children with their families, I feel love, but the pity kind. You know, the type where you admire the courage and bravery of the parents, sadness for what they have to endure, and hopefulness that they have all the support they need.

This time, however, when my heart melted I saw myself and my girl sitting there at the end of the bench helping her take bites of a sandwich and sips from her juice box. Tears welled into my eyes, but not of sadness. No, they were tears of love. I stole more glances under the pretense of fixing my boots.

The way the mother smiled down at her daughter and the way she cradled the girl on her lap, I knew that the mother viewed her child as a perfect whole person and for the first time in my life, I did too. What ever disability she had disappeared. That's what a mother's love does. It's unconditional and unmeasurable. It looks past the flaws.

I understood her. That little girl in that moment, was the most beautiful child I'd laid my eyes upon. All I wanted to do was walk over there, scoop her up in my arms, and shower her with kisses. My heart overflowed with love.

Of course, I restrained myself. But I wish I'd walked over there and at least told her that she had the most gorgeous girl. Two years ago, if I'd seen them there my reaction may have been totally different. That's when I realize how much becoming a mom had changed me and I really understood the vastness of a mother's love.

The Art of Extreme Self-care Chapter 1

Happy New Year and welcome to The Art of Extreme Self-care postpartum style. For those of you who are new to my blog, last December I announced I would be doing a read-a-long of The Art of Extreme Self-care by Cheryl Richardson and sharing with you how I applied the principles of the book in a postpartum setting.  We will focusing on one chapter a month. So let's get started!

Chapter 1

Overview:
Discovering the areas in your life where you are deprived and why.

What I got out if it:
This was a pretty easy chapter and exercise for me, because hell, as a mom we know pretty well what we are deprived of and the reason why. Sleep, quiet alone time, nurturing social activities, self-care, and the list goes on. But I found the exercise at the end of the chapter helpful in identifying why I was being deprived. Please note, when I did this activity, I was battling postpartum depression, recovering from surgery, and still healing from the trauma of childbirth.

This is what my list looked like:
I feel deprived of: Sleep, alone time, physical activity, time for self-care, time to read a book, time to decompress, peace, tranquility, calmness.
I need more of right now: SLEEP, better nutrition, alone time, exercise.
I need less of: Pain, anxiety, tears, chaos, feeling down about everything, less screaming baby.
Who is causing me to feel resentful and why: My child because this isn't what I envisioned motherhood to be. Myself for not being strong enough to handle motherhood.
I'm starving for: the freedom to go for a swim or take a yoga class, the time to sit and get lost in a good book, the time to write, the brain power to sit down and finish writing my novel.

I'm sure many of you moms can relate to my list. Sleep was and continues to be a big issue for me. In the last couple months my daughter has finally been able to sleep throughout the night, but after nearly a year of being woken up repeatedly, I'm still struggling with relaxing enough to sleep through the night myself. Relaxing is the key.

Over the last year I learned a valuable lesson in terms of how exercise really effects sleep and the ability to relax. When I started going to the gym and taking my daughter to the kid's club onsite, I discovered that I had time to exercise or take a yoga class, in that hour I got a break from my needy child, and because I exercised my body felt good. When you feel good you can relax easier, which leads to better sleep and a sense of calmness. Sleep in turn allows the body to heal, the mind to sort itself out, and the end result is well-being.

So what areas in your life do you feel deprived? Feel free comment below. Thanks for stopping by and we'll continue with Chapter 2 next month.

Blessings,
Melania

The Art of Extreme Self-care Winner

A huge thank you to everyone who visited my blog and entered the contest. I used Random.org to pick the winner and the lucky reader is:


A Personal Spiritual Journey.

Contratulations! Please shoot me an email to melania (dot) tolan (at) gmail (dot) com to claim your prize. If I don't hear from you by the end of the week I'll draw another winner.

Thanks again. Happy Holidays to everyone and we'll see you in the new year. I'll be back January 6, kicking off The Art of Extreme Self-care read-a-long, post-partum/ busy mama style. :)

Cheers,
Melania

PS The book is still on sale on Cheryl's website. http://www.cherylrichardson.com/store/books/

The Art of Extreme Self-Care Giveaway!

CONTEST CLOSED
Thank you so much for coming back. As promised I have an incredible treat for you just in time for the holidays and New Year's resolutions. But first a little background.

The first six months postpartum were very hard for me. I battled depression and anxiety everyday for what seemed like eternity. Nights dragged into an infinity of hell watching my daughter sleep so peacefully next to me in bed, while I could not turn off my brain. Sleep deprivation does nothing to help with postpartum depression, by the way. On one of these nights I pulled out my phone and went to the Kindle app, but none of the dozens of YA or romance or fantasy novels I had waiting to be read appealed to me, so I went to the Kindle store and somehow got to the Hay House book section. Not sure how it happened, those days/night are kind of a blur. But anyway, I ended up buying and downloading The Art of Extreme Self-Care by Cheryl Richardson.

Photo courtesy of Cheryl Richardson's Facebook page.

I'd seen her at an I Can Do It! event several years ago and I listen to her radio show occasionally at Hayhouseradio.com.  This book completely changed my life. After reading it, I started taking care of myself and also got the help that I needed. Because The Art of Extreme Self-Care helped me so much, I decided to share this book with you all in two ways.

Starting in January of next year, I'm going feature a read along one chapter a month (the book has 12 chapters) and blog about how I applied the concepts in a postpartum setting.

AND I'm also going to give away a free digital copy of The Art of Extreme Self-Care to one lucky reader. All you have to do is comment below and share with me how you want to improve your life in the new year. Next Monday on the 23th, I'll randomly pick a winner.

Are you in? Spread the word to your fellow goddess mamas! Also, The Art of Extreme Self-Care is on sale at Cheryl's bookstore (paperback) http://www.cherylrichardson.com/store/books/

Have a fabulous week, ladies, and good luck.

~Melania. 
CONTEST CLOSED

Holidays and New Babies

Daughter helping me get the decorations out.

'Tis that time of year. Shopping, decorating, presents, parties, cards, lights, baking, cooking, wrapping, stockings, trees, wreaths, Christmas plays, events, and the madness continues until after the ball drop on New Year's Eve and the last ornament is put away.

I love this time of year and all the festivities that go with it. Always have, always will. However, last January when my daughter was born, I realized something. I love the spirit of Christmas, but I despise the commercialism associated with it. The whole Black Friday thing makes me want to scratch my skin with a razor blade. Suddenly all the Christmas decorations that showed up in September in most of the major department stores made me want to puke tinsel and mistletoe right in the middle of the isle.

Funny thing is I've actually always felt that way, but never really thought about it as I let myself get swept up in whirlwind of presents, parties, and holiday music. A few years back, I actually stopped buying actual presents for my family, unless it was an item they really wanted or needed; instead I started canning jams, salsas, jellies, and specialty sauces that I then gifted. People already have too much stuff, but you can't go wrong with a nice treat to eat.

As the holiday season approached this year I started to panic. People were going to be buying presents for my girl and not to mention I wanted to get her something special. We are still getting presents celebrating her birth, TEN months ago, and now Christmas. Not that I'm ungrateful for all the things she's received, I am very thankful, but it's overwhelming. Living in a small space doesn't help. The whole idea of a room full of wrapped gifts for one person really freaked me out. She's a baby! What does a baby understand about Christmas and getting presents?

When you have a child, everything you do changes because that child is your responsibility and you want to make sure they are raised properly even though you might not follow everything you teach. I decided right then and there that I would walk the talk. If I didn't want my girl to grow up with a consumerized version of Christmas, we needed to cut back and focus on these three things.

Simplicity. That's my new favorite word. Less is more and make what you do have quality. We decided to decorate, but be basic. A tree, our stockings, a faux bough with lights over the book cases, and some lights out on the balcony. Whatever our presents are this year they must fit inside the stockings (limit 1 or 2 items).

Fun. Christmas & the winter holidays are supposed to be fun. So we've been playing fun Christmas music and games every day, like "let's find all the snowman on the tree." At her age most of the fun is just being silly. So we dance to Jingle Bell Rock and play peek-a-boo with her Winne the Pooh & friends ornaments. I want her to have fun memories about what we did together not what she got from Santa.

Giving. Though she doesn't understand the concept of giving yet, I'm packing a bag of her outgrown clothes and toys she doesn't play with anymore to take to the women's shelter in our neighborhood. This will be a tradition, one that I hope will stay with her for a lifetime.

So far the holidays have been pretty easy and stress-free. In fact I think these are the best holidays I've enjoyed to date. Of course, having a little new person in my home has much to do with it. :)

As always thanks for stopping by, comments are welcome, and stay tuned next week for a little Christmas surprise.

Much love,
Melania

10 things you should do when you are pregnant

Are you expecting? I'm sure you have a million things to get done before you're little one makes his or her grand debut, but let me remind you to not forget yourself on the "to-do" list. Here's 10 things every pregnant woman should do for herself:

1. Get massages. Massage is vital for your health, stress reduction, and it feels good. Once baby shows up it will be harder to find the time to get a nice hour massage or be reluctant to spend that money on yourself so take advantage now.

2. Read. Take the weekend off and curl up in your favorite fussy prenatal jammies with a cup of tea and that trashy romance novel you've been dying to read. 

3. Watch movies or your favorite TV shows. Indulge in a movie or TV show marathon, because once baby comes, you'll be lucky to get even a 20 minute sitcom in without interruption.

4. Go on a mini vacation. Treat yourself to a long weekend at your favorite resort or vacation home. Pack all your favorite foods and whatever the current cravings and relax. 

5. Get your hair and nails done. You're a goddess so allow yourself to be pampered like one. 

6. Enjoy quiet time to yourself. Because after baby, quiet "me time" joins the way of the dinosaur, at least for the first few months.

7. Buy yourself new makeup. Why not? It's much easier now to visit your favorite makeup boutique then hauling around a screaming infant with you.

8. Treat yourself to a fancy dinner. Yes, make a reservation to your favorite posh restaurant and order the most expensive entree on the menu you've been dreaming of savoring, because chances are you'll probably not be bringing your baby with out to this venue. 

9. Sleep.That's what everyone says, but it's true. If you are in the middle of a project or washing dishes and suddenly feel the urge to nap- DO IT. And do it as often as you want to. Don't feel bad. You'll make up for it the first year after baby comes. 

10. Spend time with friends. Enjoy your relationships. Make great memories, because everything changes after childbirth. Even the best intentions of maintaining your connections are derailed after baby moves in.