Hello and welcome to The Art of Extreme Self-care postpartum
style. For those of you who are new to my blog, last December I announced I would be doing a read-a-long of The Art of Extreme Self-care by Cheryl Richardson
and sharing with you how I applied the principles of the book in a
postpartum setting. We will be focusing on one chapter a month and
while I try to post the first Monday of the month, that doesn't always
happen. Last chapter was about getting a tune-up. Let's dive into chapter 10.
Chapter Overview: Anger
What I got out of it: This chapter is about speaking your truth and sticking up for yourself. When Boo Creature was about 1 1/2 months old I went out to a restaurant with my goddess ladies for lunch. The waitress kept doting over my daughter. At first I didn't mind. Who doesn't love a new baby? But then she started stroking her head while I was holding her and that make me feel very uneasy.
1. She was a complete stranger. 2. My daughter was still pretty small/newbornish. 3. She wreaked of tobacco smoke.
When our food arrived, my lady friends took turns holding Boo Creature so I could eat a meal in peace. I didn't mind them touching her because they were all dear friends and I knew them. Just as I took a huge bite out of my garden burger, the waitress showed up at our table again. This time when went over and kissed my baby's hand and head. I was stunned. Anger bubbled inside. How dare she take the liberty of kissing my baby? Didn't she know any baby etiquette? Even my friends were shocked. Next time she checked on us, the friend holding the baby turned away from her when she reached for the baby again. I took the baby back, the waitress tried again to touch Boo and I too turned away and out of her reach.
This incident happened long before I read The Art of Extreme Self-care. And I wished I'd spoken up the first time she touched my baby. Instead I froze and the anger didn't taste so good.
Here's the simple approach Cheryl talks about in the chapter to deal with situations like the one above:
1. Stop and Acknowledge what just happened. My girlfriends and I did notice the waitress touching her and we talked about it. I didn't stuff it in.
2. Take a deep break and state what's on your mind - with grace & love if possible. That's what I wish I would have done. At the time, I know I was too afraid I'd offend her by telling her not to touch my baby and she'd do something to our food.
3. Don't try to change the other person. I could have said something like, "I know you really like babies and want to show your affection, but she's pretty new. I would appreciate you refraining from touching her. Thank you."
4. Walk away. Stepping away to regroup is always a good thing.
Glad you shared this on Google+. I've read and listened to Cheryl Richardson and appreciate her wisdom. Thank you for sharing your story.
ReplyDeleteWhen I worked in domestic and international adoption, I always told the family that I would not hold the baby because I was passing through their lives and this infant or small child needed to know that they, the parents, were the only important people in their lives.
Hi Judith! Thanks for stopping by. Wow, I didn't know you worked in adoption. What an important job.
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