The Art of Extreme Self-care Chapter 6

Hello and welcome to The Art of Extreme Self-care postpartum style. For those of you who are new to my blog, last December I announced I would be doing a read-a-long of The Art of Extreme Self-care by Cheryl Richardson and sharing with you how I applied the principles of the book in a postpartum setting.  We will be focusing on one chapter a month. Last chapter was about letting go of control. Let's dive into chapter 6.

Overview: Absolute No List.

What I got out of the chapter: This chapter became a game changer for me. I love lists. I write out lists for shopping or daily goals or chores/errands and pretty much anything I can put in a list I will. I even have a list of the top 5 things I want to do every day written on my bathroom mirror which includes things like oil pulling, meditation, and going outside. (Ever heard of the obscure condition called "mommy brain?") But of all the lists I have written in my life, I've never written an Absolute No List- things I will not do or do not want in my life anymore. That is, until I read this chapter. I started small because as will all lists, I have the tendency to get carried away. Here are the top 3 absolute Noes for me:

1. I will not go to bed past 10 on a week night.

2. I will not buy non-organic fruits/vegetables for my daughter at home.

3. I will keep my phone ringer turned off from 6pm-7am.

Cheryl points out the importance of knowing why you do not what these actions, items, or behaviors in your life. For me:  I go to bed before 10pm because I need to rest. Rest is my best weapon against depression. I refuse to put unnecessary chemicals into my daughter's young body, therefore if I can only afford to buy organic for her, so be it. My evenings are my time for family and self-care. I don't need to be answering texts or phone calls, unless they are expected/scheduled calls.

I have other items on my list too, but I wanted to give you a general idea of what a Absolute No List looks like. The best part about this list is that it's a reminder of what is important in my life. As a mom, I get busy and forget what I'm supposed to be doing. It's so easy for me to lose track of the time and get so involved in whatever project around the house, I forget to stop and care for myself. So what is on your list? Please share!

Fly Little Book, Fly!

Happy Monday!

Today is an especially happy Monday for me, because yesterday my debut book launched on Amazon Kindle.


I cannot believe she's flown the coop. I spent about 6 months writing this little book and another 5 months trying to get it ready for the world to read.

I spent most of the day holding my little girl who was getting over a fever. We watched a lot of Animal Planet and PBS Kids shows between naps- a rather calming day considering my book just released.The house looked like a bomb went off followed by a tornado. Laundry piled up. The dishes filled the kitchen sink. But these things that usually bother the heck out of me didn't phase me one bit.

My book is out!! Holy mother of a cow. I finally did it. After years of writing, my first book has finally flown the coop. All I can think about is everyone will be able to read my personal story with many intimate details. Very scary. Yet I smile and wave the book good-bye. Fly little book, fly!

The Art of Extreme Self-care Chapter 5

Hello and welcome to The Art of Extreme Self-care postpartum style. For those of you who are new to my blog, last December I announced I would be doing a read-a-long of The Art of Extreme Self-care by Cheryl Richardson and sharing with you how I applied the principles of the book in a postpartum setting.  We will be focusing on one chapter a month. Last chapter was about finding your rhythm and routine. Let's dive into chapter 5.


Overview: Taking Your Hands off the Wheel


What I got out of the chapter:  It all can be summed up in one sentence; I didn't realize how much of a control freak I was until I became a mom. The way the house chores need to be done, the schedule the baby kept, and how she should look at all times. These were just a few of the "things" I felt I needed to control. As a result, my postpartum depression spiraled further down into the black hole of despair because I didn't want to accept help for many reasons which included not wanting to appear weak and not wishing to bother anyone.  I pushed everyone away because of this, but when I read this chapter, I realized my mistake.

I called my best friend and asked her if she'd help me organize my home office so I could have everything ready to start work again after maternity leave. She jumped on the opportunity and couldn't wait to help. She'd been longing to support me somehow, but my insecurities had pushed her away.

I love the feeling I get when I help someone in need and by my inability to let others help me, I was depriving them of the same blessing. My parents where thrilled when I reached out to them for help as well. But as I let people do simple tasks for me, the urge to jump in and do the job the way I think it should be done came to the surface like a raging monster from the abyss. It was all I could do to bit my tongue and stay my hand. That's when I realized how much of a control freak I was. It wasn't easy letting go, but I did because my mental sanity depended on it. I had to let my husband do the house chores the way he did them and not bitch about it. With time I learned to release the need to dictate every aspect of my life.

If the house isn't sparkling clean, it's okay. If the sink is full of dishes, it's not the end of the world. If the baby dumps her bowl of oatmeal all over the cat, the feline and I will live. So will the baby.

How about you? What areas in your life or tasks can you delegate to someone else? As moms we think we need to do everything, but in actuality we don't. Sometimes we can't afford to hire a house keeper, but maybe finding someone to do the grocery shopping, like a family member or friend, can take a load off your schedule so you can take better care of yourself.

Cover Reveal!

It's been a long road and it ain't over yet! I am so overwhelmed with emotion when I look at this image because for so many years I've longed to be a published author, but never in a million years would I have guessed that my first book out would be so personal.

My dear friends, here is the cover of my upcoming memoir. *reaches for tissue* This cover is so beautiful. Thank you to my husband, Eric, for the photography and to Christy Caughie at Gilded Heart Design for the gorgeous cover.

And here it is:

Coming out in May 2014

xoxo,

Melania

My Perfectly Unperfect day

March 28th, 2014

I woke up this morning when my daughter, aka Boo Creature, crawled off the bed from where she had been sleeping next to me. My first thought of all things, "I'm going to take a bath with my girl by the end of the day." She hadn't wanted anything to do with baths for about two months now. I don't know why I thought today would be different than any other day.

Today was a rare Friday off for me and I rejoiced in the fact my husband was home as well. He had gotten up earlier, since he usually works nights and has trouble sleeping in the morning. I lazily opened the bedroom door and waited for him to come get her as he normally does on the weekend so I could catch another hour of much needed sleep.

He never came. The TV was on. Puzzled, I walked out into the hallway to find him sitting in his recliner dressed in his thermals (something he only wears when not feeling well), staring at the flashing images from the flat screen. I could see a pained expression on his face. Boo Creature came toddling up to his chair. He never once took his eyes off the TV or acknowledged her presence.

"My fever is back." He grunted as he held a hand over his throat. He'd been fighting a cold all week.

My heart sank down through the floor into our neighbor's condo below. So much for that golden extra hour of sleep. Then anger fired my heart back into my chest. I quickly filled my mouth with a tablespoon of coconut oil and began my daily oil-pulling ritual so I wouldn't say something mean like, "Great, I guess I never get a break, do I?" or "Damn it, why do you have to get sick on my freaking day off?" Yanno, because he totally planned on being sick today...

While I swished the coconut oil around in my mouth I took Boo Creature to the bathroom so she could go potty and then made her breakfast-- mini-waffles toasted, scrabbled eggs, and fresh raspberries. After spitting the oil out and brushing my teeth, I set her in the high chair and ate the same foods with her. My mood had improved especially as I giggled with her over our food that I felt inspired to make Hubby a glass of fresh squeezed lemon water, which he drank and went off to bed. I stifled a couple of fine four-lettered words as I cleaned the kitchen, but soon my chest softened as a little girl came and hugged my legs while I washed the dishes. How could I stay angry after such an innocent act of sweetness?

Unfortunately, my throat started to feel sore too. I knew we needed more citrus fruit and milk, so I packed up Boo Creature and headed to the store through the pouring rain. We first went Costco where we bought a box of oranges and a bag of lemons. By the time we got to Wholefoods, where I buy their organic unsweetened vanilla-flavored almond milk, we were both hungry for lunch. Boo Creature loves pretty much everything I've fed her from their hot food bar. We stuffed ourselves with potatoes, veggie patties, quinoa salad, and tofu veggie stir-fry before we finished up our shopping. I always try to shop at Wholefoods on a full stomach or else I end up buying the whole damn store.

Boo Creature charmed everyone from the customers to the cashiers with her coy smile and constant toddler commentary on the world around her. I found myself smiling as I filled the shopping cart with delicious organic goodies. My throat felt more relaxed and less sore.

When we got home we took a long two hour nap. I felt so much better when I woke up and motivated. The rain had stopped and I took Boo Creature out on our large balcony. The clouds broke moments later, letting the sun rays to warm our bodies. I looked around at our potted garden as the raindrops on the plants glistened in the brilliant light, casting tiny rainbows everywhere. So beautiful. A sense of peace and joy filled my heart as I watched my girl play in the dirt.

I decided this was the perfect time to do some yoga. Boo Creature and our two kitties played around me as I went through several sets of sun salutations. We spent an hour playing outside, doing yoga, and enjoying the gorgeous sunshine.

We later enjoyed a simple dinner of pasta with a side of giggles, clapping of hands, and a bit of silliness that always makes meal time an entertaining experience. She even finished feeding herself some raspberries for dessert while I cleaned the kitchen and loaded the dishwasher. By this time we were nearing bedtime.

It's now or never. I filled the bathtub, while she went potty and filled it with her bath toys she used to play with back when she loved baths. The whole time she didn't fuss once. I took that as a good sign and undressed her. I knew she wouldn't go in by herself so I undressed too and pick her up. We slowly sat down in the water. She started to squirm and fuss a bit, but I quickly distracted her by starting a little game with her toys. Within seconds she joined me, pulling her toys down the bottom of the tub and watching them pop up to the surface. Soon she was laughing and slashing as if this was the funnest thing she'd ever done in her short little life. She enjoyed herself so much she didn't want to get out.

As I watched her play in the tub, I realized that today was really a perfect day full of imperfections and glorious moments. Today was the first time I honestly could say I love being a mom and I love my life.

So much of the first year of my daughter's life was spent on surviving, never-ending unhappiness, sleep deprivation, and failed attempts to "get it together," but today I felt complete, whole, and totally content with everything in my life chaotic as it may be. It's as if the grey shutters postpartum depression had installed over my eyes have finally been removed and I could see my life in a beautiful new light.

Today my heart overflowed with gratitude.

The Art of Extreme Self-care Chapter 4

Hello and welcome to The Art of Extreme Self-care postpartum style. For those of you who are new to my blog, last December I announced I would be doing a read-a-long of The Art of Extreme Self-care by Cheryl Richardson and sharing with you how I applied the principles of the book in a postpartum setting.  We will focusing on one chapter a month. Last chapter was about being comfortable disappointing others. Let's dive into chapter 4.


Overview:
Rhythm and Routine


What I got out of the chapter:
This chapter is what changed my postpartum experience from one of perpetual chaos to something more manageable. Before I read chapter four I was constantly going with the flow on my baby's schedule. Many times I would stay up late after I put her down for the night because that was the only way I could get "me" time. After I read this chapter I decided to limit my me-time to only an hour. So if baby was in bed by seven, I needed to be in bed by eight. My daughter was a terrible sleeper for the first year, but usually slept for four or five hours the first part of the night. If I wanted the most amount of uninterrupted sleep, I needed to be in bed early too. Those precious sleep hours before midnight helped me get better control of the postpartum depression.


Cheryl also talks scheduling your tasks at work. One of the biggest issues I had returning to work, was focus. My day job is so demanding and requires alot of mental output. When I needed to focus on abstracting a case, I would turn off my email for the hour needed so I wouldn't see the notifications popping up in the right corner of my screen. I would respond to any emails after I completed the case and before I moved on to the next. This one simple change helped me be more productive at my job.


I also turned off the notifications on my smart phone. The first three months postpartum were so hard for me and just seeing all the email, Facebook, Twitter, and other notifications constantly bombarding my phone added to the stress and anxiety. I set an hour a day for responding to emails and social media, and unless there is something urgent I'm awaiting, I stayed off.


These changes have really improved my life for the better. I'm not 100% rigid about keeping the routine, except bedtime. That is one area I do not compromise unless it's a special event like a concert.


What areas in your life can you improve by establishing a routine?

A Sample Baby Registry

Setting up a baby registry can be a daunting endeavor. I know I cringed every time I thought about it. First, of all I despise department stores. Second, I was a new mom. What did I know what I would need?  Third, we lived in an 800 square foot condo that was already cluttered with our stuff. My head hurt thinking about adding all the baby stuff.

Than a friend who is a minimalist and a mom sent me a link to this blog post of an easy earth-friendly baby registry. I basically copied and set it up on Amazon. The beauty of Amazon is you can link other sites such as Babies R’ Us to your Amazon account AND you don’t even need to leave your house.

So I figured I’d share a simple registry that can be a good starting place for any new mom.

1.       Convertible play yard with bassinet & changing table(3 in 1). This is a wonderful thing for a home where space is a premium. The play yard can become a crib later down the road and it easy to move from room to room if necessary.

2.       Sheets & waterproof pads for play yard. At least 2 of each. 3 is the perfect number.

3.       Bottles. Glass is better, especially for heating. Whether your breastfeeding or not, bottles are essential if you plan on ever going anywhere in the first year without your baby.

4.       Diapers. Whether you are planning on doing disposable or cloth, be prepared to go through 12-15 a day the first few weeks. For cloth figure out how often you want to do laundry and go from there. If you are doing cloth you’ll need at least 5 liners, 6 - 8 is better.

5.       Diaper pail. For either cloth or disposable. It doesn’t have to be ginormous. For cloth think of how often you want to wash them; disposable, how often you’ll want to take the garbage out. 2-3 days is usually good, more than that the bin will get really stinky. I found a five gallon bucket with a lid works just fine for cloth diapers and a small-lidded trash can for disposables.

6.       Clothes. Most likely people are going to give you bags of hammy downs or loads of new outfits for your little one. If you do put cloths on your registry, make sure it’s a bigger size from 3 months on. Newborn clothes last a month if you’re lucky and during that first month sleepers are the easiest. I found that sleepers with a zipper worked best for me because I couldn’t never figure out the snaps. 4-5 newborn sleepers are plenty.  If you’re swaddling, 4-5 swaddlers are great.

7.       Car seat. You can’t take your baby home from the hospital unless you have a car seat. The kind that detaches from a base is the most convenient for newborns. Plus the seat becomes a great place to have your baby hangout. I used to put my daughter in hers and bring it in the bathroom so I could shower. They also rock nicely for soothing.

8.       A couple of toys. People love to buy toys for babies & children. Here’s a chance for you to choose what kind of toys you would like your child to have. Babies don’t really need many toys. A little rattle or wire ball will provide plenty of entertainment for them.

9.       Humidifier. Especially for newborns in the winter. Their respiratory tract is so delicate and they need the extra moisture when the heater is running.

10.   Baby carrier or sling. If you want to get anything done in that first month, you’ll discover wearing you baby is the key, unless you have one of those easy babies that will sleep anywhere you place them. I found Moby wraps were the best for my daughter in the first month. Baby Bjorn and Ergo Baby are also great.

11.   Burp cloths and bibs. You can never have too many, but at least 10 of each is necessary.

12.   Teething rings.  Those will come in handy in the future.

13.   Blankets. 2 for the home, 2 for travel, and 2 for spares.

And that’s about it. Simple and basic.