The Art of Extreme Self-care Chapter 8

Hello and welcome to The Art of Extreme Self-care postpartum style. For those of you who are new to my blog, last December I announced I would be doing a read-a-long of The Art of Extreme Self-care by Cheryl Richardson and sharing with you how I applied the principles of the book in a postpartum setting.  We will be focusing on one chapter a month and while I try to post the first Monday of the month, that doesn't always happen. Last chapter was about creating a soul-nurturing environment. Let's dive into chapter 8.

Chapter 8 overview: Protecting your sensitivity.

What I got out of the chapter: I've always been a sensitive person, but over the years I've grown pretty thick skin and then the Boo Creature arrived last year. Everything changed. One layer at a time her birth and the postpartum period stripped me of the defenses I had established through life circumstances. Never in my life did I feel more vulnerable than the first year of motherhood. And I was in a particularly fragile point in my life when I read this chapter.

Cheryl talks about how sensitivity isn't necessarily a bad thing and that we should embrace and protect it. As a mom, being sensitive allows me to anticipate the needs of my daughter and provide the necessary care she requires to grow. Cheryl gives 5 different ways to protect this gift.

1. Step into the Moment: Being present in the moment allows you the freedom to live. I tend to worry about the future or rehash the past, so being in the moment took lots of practice for me. Still does actually. Life is so much better and no matter how terrible the day goes, if I think in minutes rather than hours, I feel empowered instead of overwhelmed.

2. Turn Down the Noise: Sensitive people need quiet. I need quiet. I'm so much more productive at work in the morning before everyone arrives. When the house is quiet I feel regenerated and the creative juices start flowing. When I feel stressed and frustrated, I go up to the mountain and hike. The stillness of the woods calms my nerves. At the same time the roar of the ocean has the same tranquil affect on me too. I guess it's the electronic noise that gets me. One of the things I noticed is that if I wake up in the early morning and take 10 minutes for quiet meditation and yoga, I feel so much more grounded throughout the day because when challenges arise, I can always go back to the still place I established in the morning. At night I turn my cell phone ringer off and power down all the electronics (computer, TV, etc). This helps me slow down to prepare for sleep.

3. Stop the Violence: The older I get the less I enjoy violence on TV. I've never been able to handle violent news. A few years ago, I stopped watching the evening news, because I always went to bed depressed by all the terrible things happening in the world. People have asked me if not watching the news is like burying my head in the sand because we need to know what's happening in the world. If I need to know what's going on, I can look on the internet and read about it. The way news is presented through the media these days is so sensationalized to play with one's emotions. Even the weather is reported in such a dramatic fashion sometimes I stress out about the rain and I live in Portland where it rains. A lot. Now, I have a weather widget on my phone and computer desktop. For world news I'll listen to NPR or watch News Hour on PBS.

4. Limits on Toxic People: As a mom, my time is limited as is, so why would I want to spend the precious little free-time I have with people that bring me down or don't appreciate me as is? My circle of friends dwindled quite fast after baby arrived and surprisingly I was okay with that because I don't have time for drama. While I lost some friends, I gained new ones. Other moms came into my picture who have helped me so much on the road to recovery through postpartum depression. The people who understand what motherhood is like are those who have stayed close even though I don't get to see them as much as I would like. I'm extremely grateful for those friendships.

5. Managing Technology: Oh boy, the moment I went into the hospital to deliver my daughter, I turned my phone off and kept it off for several days. Those first few weeks, I rarely answered my phone or went online unless I needed to research something or order diapers. As my daughter has gotten older, I found myself on Facebook more often or checking my email frequently throughout the day--something I used to limit not long ago. Last month I realized I spent way too much time on the computer outside of the 40 hours a week for my day job (which most of those 40 is spent on a computer). When I reread this chapter, I knew I needed to change this unhealthy trend especially since my next book, Urban Goddess Mama-to-be, is only 1/2 written when the rough draft should have been finished by the end of July. That's when I made an announcement that I would be offline for a while so I could get my writing caught up. The last couple of weeks have been wonderful not having the pressure of social media demands. When I do finish the book and return online, I will put more effort into limiting my social media interaction.

So what about you? How do you protect your sensitivity?

The Art of Extreme Self-care Chapter 7

Hello and welcome to The Art of Extreme Self-care postpartum style. For those of you who are new to my blog, last December I announced I would be doing a read-a-long of The Art of Extreme Self-care by Cheryl Richardson and sharing with you how I applied the principles of the book in a postpartum setting.  We will be focusing on one chapter a month and while I try to post the first Monday of the month, that doesn't always happen, like today... Last chapter was about the absolute no list. Let's dive into chapter 7. (Can you believe we're on chapter 7 already?)

Overview: Creating a soul-nurturing environment

What I got out of it: Well, let's just say this has been an on going issue in my house. First of all we live in a small 850 sqft condo with limited storage. Secondly, both my husband and I have lots of hobbies that require stuff. Thirdly, we expanded our household and I'm amazed how much stuff come with babies! These are not excuses, but challenges I encounter every day.

When I first read this chapter, I was going through a very low point during the postpartum period. Our neighbors had dropped off two ginormous bags of clothes and lots of baby gear fit for a girl since they were moving. Our closets were overflowing with baby stuff others had given us and every corner of the apartment was crammed with baby things like stroller, pack n' play, high chair, swing, car seats, etc... I didn't say no to anything anyone wanted to give me because I didn't know if I'd need the item or not.

Well, it turns out I didn't need half of the stuff I received. That's when I realized I needed to clean house. Bags and bags of baby stuff and maternity clothes went to a women's shelter near my house. What could be recycled got recycled and everything else into the garbage they went. I cleared out so much space and my mood actually improved. One of the biggest benefits to investing in a soul-nurturing space is the peace and lightness that fills the mind. Now I had room to create or just be. That's when I started writing Urban Goddess Mama.

Seven plus months later, I'm writing this blog post and take a look around my home. I'm going to be honest with you, things aren't looking as nice as I would like. Because I prefer to walk the talk, I  decided to do Cheryl's 4-step process with the living/dining/kitchen area:

1. Examine: Too much clutter on the counter, kitchen table, & bar between the living room & kitchen. Too many toys in Boo Creature's corner- makes for longer clean-up in the evening. Dirty windows, sill, and baseboards. Dried cat puke behind the cat tree.

2. Evaluate (what needs to be done): Boxes near the China hutch that need to be taken to recycling. Receipts on counter that need to be either recycled or filed in tax folder. Sort through toys & board books in Boo Creature's corner. Take recycling food containers off counter.

3. Eliminate: Took all the recycling out. Donated the toys and books Boo Creature no longer uses. Cleaned out food storage container cupboard and recycled all the containers or lids that I no longer used or are missing the counterpart. Cleaned windows, baseboards, & sills. Vacuumed cat tree and cleaned puke up. Recycled or filed receipts. Got rid of junk mail on kitchen table. Swept & mopped floors.

4. Enhance: Placed candle on clutter-free bar. Bought fresh organic fruit for the fruit basket on kitchen table. Saged the whole house.

The above process took less than 60 minutes (minus the donating toys & buying fruit part). As you can see, it doesn't take much time to transform your space into a soul-nurturing space that brings harmony and peace to your home.

My Top 5 Depression-Busters

Okay, if you've read any of my posts or book, you already know about my battle with postpartum depression. In fact, I'm still fighting. The struggle is getting easier each day, but there are still days, sometimes weeks, when I feel like I'm at trudging through a sea of molasses. On these days, I turn to one or more of these 5 Super Depression Busters which I know will give me quick results.

*drum-roll*

1. Nap- This is my number one because I ALWAYS feel better after a nap, even a 15 minute cat wink. If I'm at work, I'll grab my black shawl and phone with a pair of headphones and lay down on the couch in the break room for my 30 minute lunch. I set my alarm for 25 minutes (so I have 5 minutes to "wake" up before jumping back into my work), put on my favorite relaxing album (Erik Wollo's Emotional Landscapes),

and cover my head with the shawl to create a warm dark space for me to rest in. I did this throughout my pregnancy and even now on the days I'm in the office I still use that same album and shawl when I need a quick snooze.
On my days off, I catch a nap with my daughter. The dishes, laundry, writing, and whatever else needs to be done can wait, especially when I'm feeling down and don't want to do any of those things anyways.

2. Bath- Whether I'm tired or wired, a bath seems to always get me into whatever mood desired; even a 10 minute hot soak will do the trick. I've even taken them while my daughter is up and I don't have any childcare. Essential oils and sea salts are the key. Lavender is my #1 go-to oil because of it's balancing properties. If I need to get going it will energize, while most of the time I need to relax the aroma will calm my nerves.

For an energizing bath, I'll add 5-10 drops of tangerine. For deep relaxation, 5-10 drops of camomile. Both in addition to the lavender. If I'm congested, 5-10 drops of eucalyptus will clear out my sinuses so I can breath the rest of the night.
For me bath time is my "me time," quiet time, and mediation time all in one. If I really want to get crazy, I'll light some candles and pour myself a glass of wine, but most of the time just having those 10-15 minutes to myself so I could find my center make the world of difference in my day.

3. Talk to a friend- I have at least 3 friends I know I can call any time and they will be there to listen to me. Sometimes just talking to someone seems to lighten my load or release the pressure I'm feeling. Of course, I'm not going to call my friends and burn them out with my problems every day- I have a wonderful therapist for that, but sometimes you just need to talk to someone who loves you and will listen without judgement. Two of these women are mothers and totally get it. I love that I have them in my corner rooting for me. The other one is will so be a mommy and I'm going to be there to return the favor. :)

4. Yoga- This is my favorite form of exercise. I do yoga stretches everyday, because if I don't, I'll be stiff and achy thanks to fibromyalgia. But if I'm really in a funk going to an hour yoga class at my gym works wonders on my body, mind, and spirit as the poses connect the three and help me find my center. Unfortunately I'm not able to always go to my class, so I improvise at home instead. Even 15 minutes of sun salutes give me the energy and calmness I need to get through my day.

5. Nature- Long before I got knocked up and had a baby, hiking in the mountains or taking a long

walk on the beach were my depression therapy. When I was nineteen I was diagnosed with seasonal affect disorder, a winter depression. I used to go to tanning beds in the cold months, until I go a job for a dermatologist...
When I moved to Portland the depression got worse, until one winter I said screw it to the rain and bought a good waterproof jacket. I hit the trails every week and guess what? That pretty much took care of the depression. Hiking in the rain gave me so much inspiration for my fiction novels and motivated me to write. There's something about connecting with Mother Nature that seems to energize, calm, and heal any emotional issues I may be dealing with at the time. Now that I'm a mom, spending time with the Mother is even more vital for my sanity. Like with the previous busters, I only need 15 minutes to feel the positive effects. Lucky for me I live in the Pacific Northwest where nature is right outside my front door.

Interview with Producers from When the Bough Breaks

Hello and Happy Monday. I have a great surprise for you to kick off the new week. Today I'm joined by Lindsay Gerszt and Tanya Newbould the producers of When the Bough Break- a documentary about postpartum depression.

I'm super excited about this film because I honestly believe that we should hear more women's stories of how they battled with postpartum depression. We are not alone and we can get through this difficult period in our life. There is always hope.

 As many of you know I released a short personal memoir last month sharing my story with PPD. Last year was a very tough one for me and hearing other mother's stories really helped me through those dark moments. That is why I am thrilled about this film and am so honored that Lindsay and Tanya allowed me to interview. So let's dive right in!

Me: Thanks so much for stopping by Urban Goddess Revealed. Tell us about When the Bough Breaks:

Tanya: "When The Bough Breaks" came about after I discovered I had suffered from PPD.  Brooke Shield's book "Down Came a The Rain" actually saved me as no doctor or therapist could vocalize what I was going through.  I then had the fortune of meeting Jamielyn Lippman, who filmed me for her documentary "Die Trying" about being an Actor.  We spoke of being mum's.  She hadn't suffered from PPD but was interested enough to partake in this journey with me to make a documentary.  We then interviewed Lindsay Gerszt, and realized she was a perfect fit in our puzzle. The three of us are now producing, with Jamielyn Lippman directing, and we are creating an important film to bring notability to this area of Motherhood that desperately needs attention.

 

Me: That is so great. This area definitely needs more attention. What inspired you to produce a documentary about postpartum depression?

   

Tanya: I wanted a child more than anything in the world, but at four months pregnant I found myself on the kitchen floor crying so hard there was drool coming out of my mouth.  I had no idea why, and so I began therapy.  The baby came, and I became depressed, badly.  I was not sleeping and I wanted to escape my life.  This made no sense.  I changed and became isolated.  My marriage was failing, and I had a hard time functioning. My OBGYN and therapist both wanted to out me on anti-depressants.  That didn't work for me.  I needed to understand why I was feeling this way.  I then read  "Down Came The Rain" by Brooke Shields.  For the first time I knew what was wrong with me.  I had PPD.  I overcame it with the help of natural supplements, no longer breast feeding, and going back to work.  I realized that many women suffer from this, and no one talks about it.  There needs to be light brought to this very important subject.

Lindsay: Postpartum depression affects 1 in 7 women. The numbers are just going up.  Why are so many women and families suffering from this illness.  I look back at what I could have done differently after I had my son.  How could I have prepared better? I did not make sure I had an OBGYN that had experience with PPD. In fact, my doctor talked me into being induced as she was going away the day I was due. She did not warn me about the dangers of being induced. I also was not well during my sons first visit to the pediatrician after birth. The pediatrician, as wonderful as they were with my son, did not know how to deal with a mother who was clearly struggling.  What could they have done differently?  What resources could they have given me that may have helped. 

 The hardest part of having postpartum depression was the lack of understanding from my friends and family. Unless you go through it how can anyone really understand it?  The answer to this question is simple. Teach, tell your stories, do whatever you can to raise awareness!  Ask the questions that have gone unanswered.  Find a way to help others understand this epidemic.  Let them know they can help!  They can make a difference in our lives.  With understanding and without stigma women will be less afraid to tell their stories.  The more people this film reaches, the more awareness can be spread, the more lives can be saved.

Me: Yup, *nods* Describe your experience with postpartum depression.

Tanya: I was exhausted, sad, detached, I wanted to disappear.  I really believed my husband and child would've been better off without me.  My marriage was failing and we went to therapy.  I couldn't understand why I felt the way I did when so many moms were filled with joy.  The thought of even leaving the house or going for a walk was terrifying.  My friends left me alone thinking I needed to adjust to being a mom, when I was really sinking into a deep depression.  I also felt my husband was in a depression.  I had anxiety a lot, and I was terrified.  It was awful.

Lindsay: I had a strong feeling I would get PPD after the birth of my son six years ago. I had experienced severe depression and panic disorder when I was twenty years old in college. It was so bad that I had to leave school and stay in bed for half of a year until I got better, which was with the help of medication. 

I thought I had prepared for the worst when I got pregnant. I had a psychiatrist, who was watching me and my family was aware that PPD could happen. We also hired a night doula for three weeks after the baby was born so I could get sleep at night.

As prepared as we were nothing could have prepared me for the storm that came. Two days after I gave birth I went into a severe depression with OCD and anxiety.  Sadly my son also had severe reflux, which made it hard for him to eat, sleep or put a smile on his sweet face. For a mother who questioned everything, I didn't think I knew how to be a good mother for him. I had intrusive thoughts that told me I didn't know how to change the baby, feed the baby, hold the baby or be a good mother to my baby boy.  Because of my OCD, I had to have control over everything. This way of thinking is not good for relationships and many of mine suffered because of it.

When my son was seven weeks old, I changed doctors and found someone who was able to get me stable on a cocktail of medication.  The past six years has been a roller coaster of emotions. I have moments when I know I have a lot more work to do. One thing I have always had is hope. I have and will always fight to overcome PPD.  I find such joy in my son and look at him as a hero. 

Me: Anxiety is the one part of PPD that you don't hear much about nor the accompanying rage. PPD is such a roller coaster. My god, I remember feeling better when my daughter was nine months old and started sleeping through the night. I thought I had cleared the woods and then at right after her first birthday she started getting sick because she was in a daycare. Fussy sick baby, sleepless nights, stress, no support, and BAM I was back on my ass again.

Thanks so much for sharing your experience. In conclusion what is the number one message of this film and when will it be complete?

Tanya: One in seven women are affected by PPD.  There is nothing to be ashamed of and we want to educate mothers, soon to be mothers, family, and the public that this is real, and there is help. When The Bough Breaks will be complete in early 2015. 

Me: Yay, I look forward to seeing it! Thanks again for the interview. For the rest of you out there here is a little preview of the film. Enjoy and have a wonderful week.

The Art of Extreme Self-care Chapter 6

Hello and welcome to The Art of Extreme Self-care postpartum style. For those of you who are new to my blog, last December I announced I would be doing a read-a-long of The Art of Extreme Self-care by Cheryl Richardson and sharing with you how I applied the principles of the book in a postpartum setting.  We will be focusing on one chapter a month. Last chapter was about letting go of control. Let's dive into chapter 6.

Overview: Absolute No List.

What I got out of the chapter: This chapter became a game changer for me. I love lists. I write out lists for shopping or daily goals or chores/errands and pretty much anything I can put in a list I will. I even have a list of the top 5 things I want to do every day written on my bathroom mirror which includes things like oil pulling, meditation, and going outside. (Ever heard of the obscure condition called "mommy brain?") But of all the lists I have written in my life, I've never written an Absolute No List- things I will not do or do not want in my life anymore. That is, until I read this chapter. I started small because as will all lists, I have the tendency to get carried away. Here are the top 3 absolute Noes for me:

1. I will not go to bed past 10 on a week night.

2. I will not buy non-organic fruits/vegetables for my daughter at home.

3. I will keep my phone ringer turned off from 6pm-7am.

Cheryl points out the importance of knowing why you do not what these actions, items, or behaviors in your life. For me:  I go to bed before 10pm because I need to rest. Rest is my best weapon against depression. I refuse to put unnecessary chemicals into my daughter's young body, therefore if I can only afford to buy organic for her, so be it. My evenings are my time for family and self-care. I don't need to be answering texts or phone calls, unless they are expected/scheduled calls.

I have other items on my list too, but I wanted to give you a general idea of what a Absolute No List looks like. The best part about this list is that it's a reminder of what is important in my life. As a mom, I get busy and forget what I'm supposed to be doing. It's so easy for me to lose track of the time and get so involved in whatever project around the house, I forget to stop and care for myself. So what is on your list? Please share!

Fly Little Book, Fly!

Happy Monday!

Today is an especially happy Monday for me, because yesterday my debut book launched on Amazon Kindle.


I cannot believe she's flown the coop. I spent about 6 months writing this little book and another 5 months trying to get it ready for the world to read.

I spent most of the day holding my little girl who was getting over a fever. We watched a lot of Animal Planet and PBS Kids shows between naps- a rather calming day considering my book just released.The house looked like a bomb went off followed by a tornado. Laundry piled up. The dishes filled the kitchen sink. But these things that usually bother the heck out of me didn't phase me one bit.

My book is out!! Holy mother of a cow. I finally did it. After years of writing, my first book has finally flown the coop. All I can think about is everyone will be able to read my personal story with many intimate details. Very scary. Yet I smile and wave the book good-bye. Fly little book, fly!

The Art of Extreme Self-care Chapter 5

Hello and welcome to The Art of Extreme Self-care postpartum style. For those of you who are new to my blog, last December I announced I would be doing a read-a-long of The Art of Extreme Self-care by Cheryl Richardson and sharing with you how I applied the principles of the book in a postpartum setting.  We will be focusing on one chapter a month. Last chapter was about finding your rhythm and routine. Let's dive into chapter 5.


Overview: Taking Your Hands off the Wheel


What I got out of the chapter:  It all can be summed up in one sentence; I didn't realize how much of a control freak I was until I became a mom. The way the house chores need to be done, the schedule the baby kept, and how she should look at all times. These were just a few of the "things" I felt I needed to control. As a result, my postpartum depression spiraled further down into the black hole of despair because I didn't want to accept help for many reasons which included not wanting to appear weak and not wishing to bother anyone.  I pushed everyone away because of this, but when I read this chapter, I realized my mistake.

I called my best friend and asked her if she'd help me organize my home office so I could have everything ready to start work again after maternity leave. She jumped on the opportunity and couldn't wait to help. She'd been longing to support me somehow, but my insecurities had pushed her away.

I love the feeling I get when I help someone in need and by my inability to let others help me, I was depriving them of the same blessing. My parents where thrilled when I reached out to them for help as well. But as I let people do simple tasks for me, the urge to jump in and do the job the way I think it should be done came to the surface like a raging monster from the abyss. It was all I could do to bit my tongue and stay my hand. That's when I realized how much of a control freak I was. It wasn't easy letting go, but I did because my mental sanity depended on it. I had to let my husband do the house chores the way he did them and not bitch about it. With time I learned to release the need to dictate every aspect of my life.

If the house isn't sparkling clean, it's okay. If the sink is full of dishes, it's not the end of the world. If the baby dumps her bowl of oatmeal all over the cat, the feline and I will live. So will the baby.

How about you? What areas in your life or tasks can you delegate to someone else? As moms we think we need to do everything, but in actuality we don't. Sometimes we can't afford to hire a house keeper, but maybe finding someone to do the grocery shopping, like a family member or friend, can take a load off your schedule so you can take better care of yourself.