Hello and welcome to The Art of Extreme Self-care postpartum
style. For those of you who are new to my blog, last December I
announced I would be doing a read-a-long of The Art of Extreme Self-care by
Cheryl Richardson
and sharing with you how I applied the principles of the book in a
postpartum setting. We will be focusing on one chapter a month.
Last chapter was about finding your rhythm and routine. Let's dive into chapter 5.
Overview: Taking Your Hands off the Wheel
What I got out of the chapter: It all can be summed up in one sentence; I didn't realize how much of a control freak I was until I became a mom. The way the house chores need to be done, the schedule the baby kept, and how she should look at all times. These were just a few of the "things" I felt I needed to control. As a result, my postpartum depression spiraled further down into the black hole of despair because I didn't want to accept help for many reasons which included not wanting to appear weak and not wishing to bother anyone. I pushed everyone away because of this, but when I read this chapter, I realized my mistake.
I called my best friend and asked her if she'd help me organize my home office so I could have everything ready to start work again after maternity leave. She jumped on the opportunity and couldn't wait to help. She'd been longing to support me somehow, but my insecurities had pushed her away.
I love the feeling I get when I help someone in need and by my inability to let others help me, I was depriving them of the same blessing. My parents where thrilled when I reached out to them for help as well. But as I let people do simple tasks for me, the urge to jump in and do the job the way I think it should be done came to the surface like a raging monster from the abyss. It was all I could do to bit my tongue and stay my hand. That's when I realized how much of a control freak I was. It wasn't easy letting go, but I did because my mental sanity depended on it. I had to let my husband do the house chores the way he did them and not bitch about it. With time I learned to release the need to dictate every aspect of my life.
If the house isn't sparkling clean, it's okay. If the sink is full of dishes, it's not the end of the world. If the baby dumps her bowl of oatmeal all over the cat, the feline and I will live. So will the baby.
How about you? What areas in your life or tasks can you delegate to someone else? As moms we think we need to do everything, but in actuality we don't. Sometimes we can't afford to hire a house keeper, but maybe finding someone to do the grocery shopping, like a family member or friend, can take a load off your schedule so you can take better care of yourself.
