March 28th, 2014
I woke up this morning when my daughter, aka Boo Creature, crawled off the bed from where she had been sleeping next to me. My first thought of all things, "I'm going to take a bath with my girl by the end of the day." She hadn't wanted anything to do with baths for about two months now. I don't know why I thought today would be different than any other day.
Today was a rare Friday off for me and I rejoiced in the fact my husband was home as well. He had gotten up earlier, since he usually works nights and has trouble sleeping in the morning. I lazily opened the bedroom door and waited for him to come get her as he normally does on the weekend so I could catch another hour of much needed sleep.
He never came. The TV was on. Puzzled, I walked out into the hallway to find him sitting in his recliner dressed in his thermals (something he only wears when not feeling well), staring at the flashing images from the flat screen. I could see a pained expression on his face. Boo Creature came toddling up to his chair. He never once took his eyes off the TV or acknowledged her presence.
"My fever is back." He grunted as he held a hand over his throat. He'd been fighting a cold all week.
My heart sank down through the floor into our neighbor's condo below. So much for that golden extra hour of sleep. Then anger fired my heart back into my chest. I quickly filled my mouth with a tablespoon of coconut oil and began my daily oil-pulling ritual so I wouldn't say something mean like, "Great, I guess I never get a break, do I?" or "Damn it, why do you have to get sick on my freaking day off?" Yanno, because he totally planned on being sick today...
While I swished the coconut oil around in my mouth I took Boo Creature to the bathroom so she could go potty and then made her breakfast-- mini-waffles toasted, scrabbled eggs, and fresh raspberries. After spitting the oil out and brushing my teeth, I set her in the high chair and ate the same foods with her. My mood had improved especially as I giggled with her over our food that I felt inspired to make Hubby a glass of fresh squeezed lemon water, which he drank and went off to bed. I stifled a couple of fine four-lettered words as I cleaned the kitchen, but soon my chest softened as a little girl came and hugged my legs while I washed the dishes. How could I stay angry after such an innocent act of sweetness?
Unfortunately, my throat started to feel sore too. I knew we needed more citrus fruit and milk, so I packed up Boo Creature and headed to the store through the pouring rain. We first went Costco where we bought a box of oranges and a bag of lemons. By the time we got to Wholefoods, where I buy their organic unsweetened vanilla-flavored almond milk, we were both hungry for lunch. Boo Creature loves pretty much everything I've fed her from their hot food bar. We stuffed ourselves with potatoes, veggie patties, quinoa salad, and tofu veggie stir-fry before we finished up our shopping. I always try to shop at Wholefoods on a full stomach or else I end up buying the whole damn store.
Boo Creature charmed everyone from the customers to the cashiers with her coy smile and constant toddler commentary on the world around her. I found myself smiling as I filled the shopping cart with delicious organic goodies. My throat felt more relaxed and less sore.
When we got home we took a long two hour nap. I felt so much better when I woke up and motivated. The rain had stopped and I took Boo Creature out on our large balcony. The clouds broke moments later, letting the sun rays to warm our bodies. I looked around at our potted garden as the raindrops on the plants glistened in the brilliant light, casting tiny rainbows everywhere. So beautiful. A sense of peace and joy filled my heart as I watched my girl play in the dirt.
I decided this was the perfect time to do some yoga. Boo Creature and our two kitties played around me as I went through several sets of sun salutations. We spent an hour playing outside, doing yoga, and enjoying the gorgeous sunshine.
We later enjoyed a simple dinner of pasta with a side of giggles, clapping of hands, and a bit of silliness that always makes meal time an entertaining experience. She even finished feeding herself some raspberries for dessert while I cleaned the kitchen and loaded the dishwasher. By this time we were nearing bedtime.
It's now or never. I filled the bathtub, while she went potty and filled it with her bath toys she used to play with back when she loved baths. The whole time she didn't fuss once. I took that as a good sign and undressed her. I knew she wouldn't go in by herself so I undressed too and pick her up. We slowly sat down in the water. She started to squirm and fuss a bit, but I quickly distracted her by starting a little game with her toys. Within seconds she joined me, pulling her toys down the bottom of the tub and watching them pop up to the surface. Soon she was laughing and slashing as if this was the funnest thing she'd ever done in her short little life. She enjoyed herself so much she didn't want to get out.
As I watched her play in the tub, I realized that today was really a perfect day full of imperfections and glorious moments. Today was the first time I honestly could say I love being a mom and I love my life.
So much of the first year of my daughter's life was spent on surviving, never-ending unhappiness, sleep deprivation, and failed attempts to "get it together," but today I felt complete, whole, and totally content with everything in my life chaotic as it may be. It's as if the grey shutters postpartum depression had installed over my eyes have finally been removed and I could see my life in a beautiful new light.
Today my heart overflowed with gratitude.
